


I'll be anywhere that you are

by east_end_boys



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Christmas, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21892333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/east_end_boys/pseuds/east_end_boys
Summary: Word travels. Lola has a go at him when she finds out. Jay has a go at him. His mum has a go at him. Lola has another go at him. Ian says he told him so. Lexi asks when Callum’s coming over again, she’s got a new tea set she wants to show him, and Ben flees the house when he sees Lola getting ready to start again.*aka Ben's only gone and broken up with Callum #noragrets
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 11
Kudos: 160





	I'll be anywhere that you are

Ben’s panting. He’s got the other man right where he wants him and he’s close. So close. The other man’s a sweating, trembling mess under his hands, muttering pleas, shaking his head. He’s been thinking about this all day. His mouth is dry with anticipation, standing between the other man’s spread legs. He knows what he wants.

He lifts the gun to Keanu’s head.

His cries, muffled by the sock stuffed in his mouth, barely make an echo through the arches. Ben can’t help but smile, pleasure pulsing through his veins. His eyes are wide, red with tears, and it’s beautiful.

Keanu. Perfect Keanu, shagging his dad’s wife. It’s delicious.

‘You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this moment,’ he says, and Keanu tries to shout something, attempts to worm out of the chair he’s tied to. He basks in it, reveling in the feel of the gun against the man’s forehead.

One twist of his finger and the man would be toast. His finger presses against the trigger, and Keanu finally stops squirming, staring down the barrel. Ben pictures it. The satisfaction of putting a bullet into his brain.

He wets his lips. His finger trembles on the trigger, eager to finally claim back what was his all along. To get what he’s always wanted. He closes his eyes and squeezes, the shot ringing in his ears, cementing his decision.

He opens his eyes, Keanu’s staring back at him, and they both look down to the hole the bullet left in the floor.

This is what Ben’s always wanted, only it wasn’t worth the price.

*

The drive to the airport is silent. He hands Keanu a thousand pounds, his passport and tells him to never come back. The _or I’ll finish the job_ is left unsaid. Keanu quietly nods, takes the money and leaves.

Ben leans against the car, watches him walk out of their lives forever.

He doesn’t look back.

*

His father pats him on the back, thanks him, and offers him a drink. It’s the proudest Ben’s ever seen him and he has bile rising in the back of his throat when he declines.

Phil calls him a good son. Ben realises he’s just thought of his dad as Phil for the first time in months. He returns to the Beale’s where he feels more at home. The Slaters are there. He doesn’t ask any questions, avoids Jean’s eyes as he squeezes around an already-jammed table for Christmas dinner.

He’s mostly quiet, has had no appetite for days now, just picks at his dinner and waits an appropriate amount of time before excusing himself. Kathy’s eyes follow him to the stairs.

*

The wallet was a nice gift. There’s a photo on the inside. Callum took it of him and Lexi before they walked her to school one day in November. The thought turns something in his stomach. He leaves it down on the bedside table.

There’s a small knock on his door. He lies in the low light of the winter afternoon and waits for his mum to leave. She doesn’t knock again. He sighs, breath shaky, and wonders what Callum’s doing right now. Wonders if he’ll ever be able to fix this mess.

Today was a start. He did a good thing today, yet he still feels empty.

*

Word travels. Lola has a go at him when she finds out. Jay has a go at him. His mum has a go at him. Lola has another go at him. Ian says he told him so. Lexi asks when Callum’s coming over again, she’s got a new tea set she wants to show him, and Ben flees the house when he sees Lola getting ready to start again.

He sees Lou standing across the square and turns in the other direction.

*

On Boxing Day, he decides he wants to have a drink on his own. He doesn’t consider the ramifications of having said quiet drink alone in the Vic. Mick’s behind the bar, stares him down the whole time he’s pouring the pint, giving him his change back without a word.

He’s walking to a table in the far corner when Stuart bumbles through the door.

‘There he is! Heartbreaker.’ Ben dips his eyes to the floor. Rainie appears behind him, pulls on Stuart’s arm.

‘Leave it, babe, he ain’t worth having our night ruined.’ Stuart doesn’t move for a moment, and it feels like every eye in the pub is on them. He doesn’t look up from the floor until Stuart moves on to the bar where Mick greets him warmly.

He sits, takes a drink, bouncing his leg rapidly and leaves, feeling too restless.

He checks his phone, still no reply. He had texted Callum earlier asking if he could call him. He couldn’t blame him for not wanting to.

*

He checks his phone again, still no response, and feels his heart in his throat. He didn’t know where Callum was, when he was coming back, what he was doing or who he was with. He hopes he’s not alone. He puts his phone down and resigns to not check again until tomorrow. He doesn’t sleep, too helpless, too restless and too many thoughts whirling around his mind.

_‘I will be anywhere that you are.’_

It’s five in the morning before he exhausts himself into a troubled sleep.

Callum never replies.

*

‘Have you heard from him?’

Stuart glares up at him from his desk.

‘What’s it to you?’

‘I just want to know how he’s doing.’ Jay stands silently in the doorway to the parlour’s back office. Ben meets his eyes and looks away. Stuart puts his pen down.

‘Well, let’s see. You ruined his relationship with Whitney so you could be together, strung him along for a few months until you got bored and then smashed his heart into little pieces four days before Christmas. You don’t get to know how he’s doing, and to be honest with you, Ben, you’d have no teeth left only Callum’s been through enough as it is.’

Ben nods, jaw clenched, and leaves without another word, ignoring Jay calling after him.

*

On the 28th he takes Lexi to the park, and he forgets for a while. They play football, laugh when Ben trips over the ball, and have hot chocolate afterwards. He lets Lexi pick a seat while he pays and almost walks into a lamppost when he realises what bench she’s sat at.

The bench.

He decides it’s too cold for sitting out, so they bring them back to the house and drink them in their pyjamas while watching Frozen. He falls asleep beside her on the sofa, and when he wakes up it’s dark and there’s a blanket around them. She snuggles into his side, still sleeping, and he feels himself drift off again.

It’s the best sleep he’s had in a week.

*

New Year’s Eve comes around quickly, and he honestly thought Callum would be back by now. He doesn’t make plans, even when Jay and Lola goad him into coming to the Vic for a drink. He doesn’t feel like celebrating, especially under the scrutiny of half the square who told Callum so.

He goes to the Prince Albert, reckons everyone he knows will be at E20 or the Vic. Neither his mum nor Tina are working the bar tonight, which he’s grateful for.

He’s drunk after a couple of drinks, hasn’t really eaten today, and when a tall, slender brunette appears beside him asking him if he’s single he doesn’t know how to answer so he tells him to fuck off instead.

He’s in bed before the countdown.

*

New Year’s Day comes and goes. He calls around to the flat when he knows Stuart’s working but he doesn’t get an answer. He guesses Callum’s still not back yet, can’t help but wonder if he’s ever coming back. He still has a key, considers using it to poke about inside for any clues to Callum’s whereabouts.

He shakes his head, resigns to waiting another day to call around again. He’s heading back to the house when he passes Whitney’s stall. She catches his eye and holds it, face blank.

‘Have you been talking to him?’

She sighs.

‘Ben, I really don’t-’

‘I just want to know if he’s alright.’ She gives him a flat look. ‘You know what I mean.’ She considers him for a moment, hands busy hanging up new stock.

‘Yes, I’ve been talking to him.’ He waits for her to elaborate. She just looks at him.

‘Is that it?’ he asks, incredulously. She shrugs. ‘Is he coming back?’ She frowns at him.

‘Why did you do it?’ she asks, disarming him. ‘After everything?’ He blinks at her, mouth opening and closing again before he dips his gaze, muttering a thanks as he walks away.

*

Life continues on. He returns to work after the festive period is over, spends most of his time with Lexi and Lola, meets Jay for drinks in E20. Avoids Sharon. Avoids Phil. Avoids the markets, the Vic, the undertakers, pretty much anywhere that isn’t a direct line between work and home.

Lou struggles as a single mum, says Phil’s been giving her money but won’t look at the baby. Lisa’s there for her. He visits every other evening, tries to help out. He changes nappies, cooks simple dinners, watches Peggy while Louise naps. They never speak about Keanu. Guilt weighs on his chest like lead the entire time.

He never really stops thinking about Callum. Only in the moments when he’s distracted, mind occupied with making sure Lexi’s not late for school, or when he’s burning Lou’s spaghetti to the pot. Eventually, people stop mentioning him, even Lexi’s young mind forgets about him, and he’s both thankful and heartbroken by it.

He lies awake most nights.

_‘I will be anywhere that you are.’_

*

He gets held up in work, for real this time, and it’s dark when he gets home. His mum is sitting alone with a glass of wine, the living room bathed in low light, relaxing with some music like she often does. She tips her head back to look at him, and she smiles sadly.

‘You alright, darling?’

He nods shortly, feeling awkward in the doorway. She sets her glass down on the coffee table and stands.

‘Don’t let me interrupt,’ he says, raising his hands. She steps in front of him, offering her hand out. He looks at it cautiously.

‘Shall we?’ she asks, cocking her head in the direction of the record player. She’s smiling at him, looking warm and beautiful in the light. He can’t help but give a small smile in return as he shrugs off his jacket and hangs on it the back of a chair.

He takes her hand and lets her lead, swaying to the gentle melody. She laces their fingers together and he closes his eyes, letting himself just be. She doesn’t ask any questions, just sways with him to _Edelweiss_ with a hand on his shoulder.

He doesn’t notice as they naturally drift closer, his head now pressed against her shoulder, smelling her perfume, and suddenly it’s almost too much. Too much bottled up for too long. Her comforting hand rubs at the back of his neck and he can’t fight the tears.

He hiccups and collapses into her. The swaying stops. She unlaces their fingers and brings her hand up to rub his back, her other hand running through his hair. She holds him while he lets it all out, and it comes easily.

They stand there for a long time.

*

_‘I will be anywhere that you are.’_

He checks the time. 4:23am. He sighs.

*

It’s the end of January when he seems him.

He’s just wrapping up a sale on a new motor when he spares a quick glance across the square and his heart stops. He’s walking with Whitney, back in his undertaker’s suit, chuckling at something she said and it’s like looking at the _sun_. He loses his train of thought, can’t help but stare at the stubble Callum’s grown whilst he’s been away.

He looks good. They disappear into Dot’s without noticing him.

‘You okay, mate?’ the punter asks, nudging his arm. Ben nods, closing his mouth. He plasters a smile back on his face.

‘Sorry, yeah, where were we?’

*

‘Could’ve told me he was back,’ Ben says, sitting down next to Jay in the Vic. It’s the first time he’s set foot inside it in a month. ‘I’d have appreciated the warning.’ He takes a long gulp of his pint, it’s been a long day.

‘Only found out this morning when he came through the front door.’ There’s a beat of silence. Ben wants to ask, knows by now that he doesn’t have the right.

‘He’s good, Ben,’ Jay says, as if reading his mind. He nods, eyes burning holes in the table.

He takes another long drink.

*

He decides to leave Callum alone for a couple of days, surprising himself. He’ll need time to settle back into life on the square. He’s waited a month, he can manage a couple of extra days. It’s tough, but he goes about his days as normal. Every time he leaves the house he wonders if he’ll bump into Callum.

He doesn’t intend for it to actually happen.

He’s walking to work, earlier than normal but feeling too restless to stay in bed. He’s just passing through the square when he spots Callum jogging towards him. He’s about to turn back to the house when Callum lays eyes on him and he can’t look away.

His heart hammers in his ears as they draw nearer, until they’re both passing each other without a word. Callum nods shortly without stopping, face unchanging, and Ben has no time to react before Callum continues towards the market.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and quickens his pace.

*

He replays it over in his head for the rest of the day. Just a simple nod of acknowledgement.

It was more than he deserved.

*

‘Callum!’ Lexi squeals, bounding out of the booth and across the caff. Ben looks over his shoulder to see Callum brighten and scoop her into his arms and he _aches_.

‘How are you, miss?’ he asks with a grin. She pats his cheeks.

‘You’ve been gone _ages_ ,’ she scolds, and he looks away sheepishly.

‘Sorry, darling, had some things to sort out, but I’m back now,’ he grins again.

‘Good because we missed you and Daddy’s been so _grumpy_ ,’ she sighs. Ben looks away, not before he sees Callum’s smile falter.

‘Well what’s new, eh?’ he jokes, although his voice is tight. Ben doesn’t look up, suddenly finding great interest in his half empty cup of tea. Lexi giggles at his expense and he hears Callum lower her to her feet. ‘Why don’t you go keep him company?’ he says, voice lighter now.

‘Oh! You haven’t seen my new tea set. You have to come see,’ she demands, and he laughs.

‘Another time, princess. Have to go to work now.’

‘Okay,’ she sighs, and she hops back into the booth.

He orders a cup of tea to go, and a moment later Lexi waves enthusiastically over Ben’s shoulder and the door closes. He sighs, shoulders relaxing.

‘Why didn’t you come say hello to Callum?’ she asks.

‘Finish up, baby, or we’re going to be late,’ he says, pushing her plate closer.

*

He finishes work early, is thankful he doesn’t bump into Callum on the walk home and when he steps into the Beale kitchen the first thing he’s met with is the sound of Lexi’s laughter. It lightens his mood, feels his lips curl into a smile which fades once he steps into the living room.

‘You’re home early,’ is all Lola manages. Ben looks from her to Lexi to Callum, all three of them wearing tiaras and holding empty plastic mugs. Callum looks like a deer in headlights and he imagines he’s got a similar look on his own face.

‘Dad,’ Lexi smiles. ‘Come have tea with us.’

His smile doesn’t quite meet his eyes as he takes a seat between Lola and Lexi, Callum sitting directly across from him. Their eyes meet briefly before Ben is distracted with the mug Lexi is offering him.

He pretends to take a drink from it and scrunches his face up. ‘No sugar?’ he complains.

‘Dad,’ she whines. ‘We haven’t poured the tea yet.’ He smiles and apologises.

‘Course not, baby.’

‘Callum can do it since he’s never been to one of our tea parties.’ Lola’s mouth makes the shape of an ‘O’.

‘A great honour,’ she tells him. Callum’s ears go pink as he lifts the tea pot, pouring Lexi her mug before turning to Ben. Ben holds out his mug and Callum begins pouring, their eyes meeting. Callum holds his gaze, and it’s only now that Ben notices how sad his eyes are, tired like his own.

‘Don’t overfill it,’ Lexi cries and Callum dips his head to apologise.

*

Callum leaves just before dinner. He hugs Lexi goodbye, and it lasts a little too long to be just a farewell for the evening. Lola pats his arm, smiles at him, and he smiles back sadly. Ben watches them from the kitchen doorway. Callum opens the door and nods at Ben as he goes. He heads upstairs before Lola can say anything.

*

He’s walking through the parlour door before his mind has a chance to register what he’s doing.

‘Hey,’ he greets, a little too loudly. Callum blinks up at him.

‘Jay’s not in,’ Callum tells him, and Ben could slap himself for the earnest tone of voice, like it hadn’t even crossed his mind that Ben could be there to see him. Ben did that.

‘That’s okay, I- I just wanted to say thanks. For yesterday with Lexi,’ he clarifies quickly. Callum just nods, and a heavy silence hangs between them. ‘The beard is nice,’ he says, and regrets the words immediately. Callum just nods again, a small smile tugging his lips.

‘Fancied a change,’ he says, eyes back on his paperwork. There’s another long silence.

‘Callum, I’m sorry,’ he blurts out, and Callum’s head snaps up.

‘Ben, don’t,’ he says, face hard. ‘Just don’t,’ he shakes his head.

‘I-’

‘You arranging your own funeral?’ Stuart asks from behind him. They both turn to look at him.

‘Stuart, it’s fine,’ Callum says. ‘He was just leaving.’ Ben looks back at him, but he’s already back filling out his paperwork.

He leaves without another word, Stuart’s hard eyes on him the whole time.

*

Sharon gives birth to a baby boy. That kid would’ve gotten everything Ben never did. He’d have been loved unconditionally.

_‘You can tell me anything and it wouldn’t matter to me.’_

How could he have been so stupid?

*

He’s sitting with his back to the door, throwing and catching the tennis ball repeatedly, bored out of skull when the door opens and he thanks God for something to do. He’s surprised when he spins his chair and finds Callum closing the car lot door behind him.

‘You alright?’ Ben asks, softer than he intended. Callum sits down across from him, stone-faced, eyes hard.

‘I heard what happened,’ he says, and Ben frowns at him. ‘With your dad and Sharon. With Keanu. He’s disappeared, not even the Taylors have heard from him since Christmas. That’s what you had to sort out, isn’t it? Or _who_ I should say.’ Ben can’t meet his eyes.

‘Look at ya, right little detective,’ he deflects.

‘Tell me you didn’t,’ Callum says, voice shaky. Ben sighs. Callum laughs, it’s bitter and disgusting. ‘You ended our relationship so you could murder someone? Are you mental, Ben?’ Ben sniffs, rubs at his nose uncomfortably.

‘I didn’t. I mean- Yeah, I did. But I didn’t do it.’

‘Let me guess, your dad did it and you were trying to rescue him?’ Ben does look at him then, mouth in a firm line.

‘Why can’t you just believe me?’

‘Because all you ever did was lie!’

Callum seems surprised at himself. Ben simply blinks at him. Callum stands, and for a second Ben thinks he’s about to leave and his heart sinks. Callum walks behind the chair, grips it with white knuckles. He releases a long breath.

‘I asked you,’ Callum starts. ‘I asked if you were on a level with going straight. If you were just telling me what I wanted to hear. You said you wouldn’t do that to me.’

‘I wouldn’t.’

‘Except you did. You lied right to my face over and over again. Then lied to me about lying. How could I ever believe another word you say?’ His eyes are shining, and Ben feels tears prickling his own. This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. ‘All that stuff you said that night.’

‘I lied.’

Callum scoffs, closing his eyes.

‘Was that a lie? I really can’t tell.’

Ben chews the inside of his cheek.

‘Wherever I go you’ll be there. That’s what you said. And you’re right. It doesn’t matter where I go, or what I do, you’re always there in the back of my mind.’ Callum shakes his head, eyes still closed.

‘My dad was gonna drink himself to death if I didn’t get involved. So, I agreed to help him. Put a gun to Keanu’s head.’ Callum’s eyes shoot open. ‘I was standing there, and I was ready to do it. I wanted to do it. And there you were in the back of my head like always, and I thought, why am I doing this? Why do I have to murder someone for his approval? Why do I have to lose you to have a father?’

A tear runs down his cheek.

‘I drove him to the airport. Bought him a plane ticket and told him to never come back. That’s the truth.’

Callum watches him sadly.

Ben wipes his eyes. ‘You still don’t believe me, do ya?’

Callum’s gaze dips.

‘I want to. I want to trust you but it’s not that easy. I poured my heart out to you and you broke it. Do you know how hard the last few weeks have been? Replaying everything in my head over and over again and thinking how could I have gotten it so wrong?’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I need time to think.’ Ben nods, feeling a mixture of relief and anxiety at having everything off his chest and in the hands of Callum. He leaves not long after, says he’ll see Ben around. Ben’s not sure what to make of that.

*

January turns to February and Ben tries to remind himself of life before Callum and all the drama. He’s not trying to forget about Callum, but the ball is firmly in his court and he finds all he’s really doing is biding time while waiting for Callum to come to a decision. He used to have hobbies.

Then he remembers who he used to be before he met Callum. A terrible dad, shagging around every night, scaring people into paying back the loans he knew they couldn’t afford in the first place. He sighs. What do good people do for fun?

He considers downloading a book until Jay texts him reminding him it’s been a while since they’ve grabbed a pint. He agrees. They meet in the Vic, and the first person Ben’s eyes land on is Callum, who’s sitting at a table with another bloke.

‘We can go somewhere else,’ Jay says.

‘It’s fine,’ Ben manages. He gets the first round in, chooses a table out of view of Callum and necks half of his pint.

‘Steady on.’

Ben’s fists clench. He wants to hit something. He wants to deck that bloke. He moves to stand, Jay’s hand firm around his wrist pulling him back into his seat.

‘Sit down,’ he says. ‘This is what you told him to do. You broke up with him, remember?’ Ben raises his eyebrows at him. ‘Just saying.’

‘Thanks, mate,’ he mutters, downing the rest of his pint and standing.

‘Ben,’ Jay protests, but he’s already halfway out the door.

*

He cracks a beer open at home, hears voices in the living room and decides to sit outside on the porch. Jay was right, that was the thing. He told Callum to love someone else. And Callum is Callum, he shouldn’t be surprised other people want to date him. A part of him is glad Callum’s finding other people, good people, and a part of him wants to wipe the smirk off that bloke’s face. He sighs, hanging his head.

He really has fucked it.

The gate swings open, and Callum looks like a deer in headlights. Ben straightens up, swallows passed a lump in his throat.

‘Hey,’ Callum says.

‘You alright?’ Ben asks, taking a swig of his beer. He offers it out to Callum, who takes a mouthful himself before passing it back.

‘Not too bad.’

‘How was your date?’ he asks, tone lacking any sense of bitterness. It comes out more defeated than anything.

‘Was wondering what that was all about,’ he chuckles, cocking his head toward the Vic. Ben takes another drink.

‘Something funny?’

‘It weren’t a date, Ben,’ he says, like Ben’s an idiot. ‘Signed up for a course in criminology, just basic stuff, not actual training. He’s a nice bloke, just went for a pint afterwards. Plus, he’s straight unfortunately.’

‘Like that’s stopped us before,’ he says, eyebrows raised. Callum laughs, looks at his feet, and smiles up at him. Something inside Ben flutters.

‘Scooch over,’ Callum says, and Ben does as he’s told. Callum swipes the beer from his hand and drinks. Ben can’t help but watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. It’s the closest they’ve been since before Christmas. Callum turns his head to face him, and they’re just inches apart now.

‘Hey,’ Ben says. For a moment Ben thinks Callum’s going to lean in and kiss him, feels Callum’s breath on his cheeks, but he turns his head away to look forward. Ben stamps down on the disappointment he feels, reminds himself that they’re not together, or just on a break. Callum’s his ex, and it’s hard not to forget that.

‘I love you,’ Ben says, like it’s that simple. Maybe it is. Callum’s head snaps round to him. ‘I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Callum. Since before the wedding. I’m a bad person but I only ever want to do right by the people I love.’

He lowers his gaze to the ground. Callum’s hand is warm on his chin when he lifts it. He looks into Callum’s big doe eyes, and he’s never felt surer of anything in his life. He’s got that conflicted look on his face again.

‘Meet me for dinner on Friday?’

Callum nods, face smoothing out a touch as he takes another drink. Ben smiles at the ground, feeling hopeful for the time in a while. They sit like that, in companionable silence, just enjoying each other’s company. It feels easy.

*

‘This is too hard,’ Ben says, sulking as he turns back upstairs. Jay laughs after him as he and Lola follow him to his room. He very nearly rips the shirt off his back, standing in front of the mirror and taking another look.

‘You look fine,’ Lola reassures him.

‘It’s only Callum,’ Jay says unhelpfully. Lola elbows him in the ribs. ‘Oi!’

‘It’s not _only_ Callum. It’s Callum.’

‘That’s what I said.’

Ben sighs, looking at himself. He’s going to be late.

‘You look good, mate,’ Jay tries.

He changes shirts. Lola kisses his cheek before he leaves and wishes him luck. Jay pats him on the shoulder and reminds him it’s only Callum, which does nothing to settle his nerves. He’s tense as he makes his way to the restaurant.

*

Ben’s fingers tap anxiously on the table. He looks around, checks his watch, avoids eye contact with the waitress who’s probably starting to take pity on him, looks at the front door, checks his watch again. It all feels unfortunately familiar.

That’s when Callum rushes through the front door. He sees Ben and deflates, composing himself. Ben smiles at him, could probably cry with relief.

‘Sorry I’m late,’ Callum pants, sliding into his seat. ‘Couldn’t get my hair right.’

‘You look good,’ Ben says. Callum smiles.

‘I like your shirt,’ he says, and Ben preens internally. ‘You want to get a drink?’

It’s nice. It’s really nice. It feels new, but at the same time, it feels like the last two months never happened, like it was only yesterday Ben was lying with his head on Callum’s lap bitching about Christmas songs and ordering Chinese. They talk easily, sharing small smiles as they drink.

It’s over too quickly, and Ben walks Callum back to his flat, hands buried in his pockets.

‘So, this is me then,’ Callum says, and Ben doesn’t know what to do with himself.

‘So it is,’ he agrees, feeling awkward but smiling all the same. ‘I had a good time.’

‘Me too,’ Callum says softly. ‘Do it again some time?’

Ben decides to just go for it and pulls Callum down for a kiss. It’s just a peck on the lips at first, and it gets his heart racing, but Callum leans back down for another, slowly parting Ben’s lips with his tongue. Ben obliges, let’s Callum lead the way, fists his hands into Callum’s jacket.

Eventually Callum pulls away, plants one more kiss to Ben’s lips, and smiles down at him. Ben’s a little dazed, doesn’t want it to be over, but he knows they’ve got to take things slow. ‘Goodnight, Ben,’ he nods.

‘Goodnight, Callum.’

He waits until Callum’s inside, winks at him as he closes the door over, and starts walking slowly back to the Beale’s. A weight lifts off his shoulders that he hadn’t realised he’d been carrying. They were slowly but surely getting back on track.

He thinks back to Callum’s words from that night, and for the first time they pull on his heart strings in all the right ways. He smiles.

He’ll be anywhere Callum is.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi pals
> 
> Thanks for reading, I live for comments so please let me know what you think xo
> 
> Also, don't feel too down about EE at the moment, it's pretty clear the storyline isn't over even if they're going to be apart for a while. May as well enjoy it for what it is. Stay positive!
> 
> And Happy Christmas!


End file.
